When I do yoga, I lose all sense of time. Often, an hour will pass before I even think to look at the clock.

When I go to the theatre, I am mesmerized. Even though I’ve seen Wicked four times, I still cry when Galinda and Elphaba sing For Good, the song about the mutual love these two best friends have for each other and the recognition of the difference each has made on the other’s life.

On the other hand, I absolutely hate doing all things domestic: cooking, cleaning, paying bills etc.

We all have things in life that bring us down and things that bring us joy. At it’s core, my job as a Life Coach is to help people bring more joy into their lives.

Why do people lose their joy? How do they get to the point of feeling stuck, numb, bored, or frustrated?

One of the main reasons people lose their joy is because there is a huge disconnect between the two sides of their persona. Therefore, one of the very first things I do as a Coach is help people become aware that these two sides even exist.


The Essential Self is the essence of your true personality. It’s who you were born to be, your preferences, your desires and the unique characteristics that make you YOU!

Your Essential Self speaks through your emotions, gut instincts and physical reactions in the body: your heart racing when something is just right for you and that dreadful sixth sense when something is all wrong for you.


The Social Self is the verbal part of your mind that lives for approval. Its job is to please other people and avoid social rejection. The Social Self was developed in direct response to the pressure of people around you: your family, friends, teachers, culture and society.

It speaks to you in sentences that begin with “You should… You shouldn’t…You have to… or You can’t.”

The Social Self also has the set of skills to move you towards whatever goals you create. It keeps your relationships healthy, gets you through school and helps you to be successful at work. It gets things done!


When the Essential Self and the Social Self work together and communicate freely, everything is great and you will feel balanced and happy.

For example, say your Essential Self is really an artist at heart. If your Social Self agrees that this is a socially acceptable thing to do, it will go out and buy art supplies, sign up for a ceramics class, and plan a trip to the art museum.

However, if your Social Self says, ”No! Art projects are for children. They are a silly waste of time. You “should be” doing more productive things with your time! Then your Social Self and Your Essential self are at war.


When you allow your Social Self to be in charge and ignore your Essential Self, you will feel stuck, anxious, depressed, discontent, angry, bored, in despair or frustrated.

How many times have you allowed other people’s opinions and judgments dictate your actions?

Bringing joy back into your life, getting unstuck and reclaiming yourself begins by recovering your Essential Self.You can start recovering your Essential Self by answering these questions:

What did you love to do as a kid?

What makes you forget time?

If you had a whole day to do absolutely anything in the world, what would you do?

Do more of what makes you happy!